Christmas Presents!!

Brown Christmas?

Well, it looks like this year isn't going to be a white Christmas.  I don't ever remember not having snow on the ground for Christmas.  Ever!  I mean, we live in Wisconsin...there's usually snow.  And lots of it!  But with the big holiday only being four days away and no snow in the forecast, it looks like it's definitely going to be a brown Christmas.

The girls had their Christmas party today at daycare.  They were soooo excited.  Usually I hear "mama, I don't wanna go to Amy's house."  Amy is their teacher at the daycare center, so therefore, in their eyes, it's Amy's house!  They say it pretty much every single morning, whether it's a daycare day or not.  I don't think they really mean it, because they get dressed without a fight, they talk about what they're going to show Amy and their friends, etc.

So this morning, they walked into our bedroom at 6:30am.  Nate is already gone to work by that time, so they crawled into bed with me and wanted to watch some cartoons.  I just turned the TV on when they said that they didn't want to go to Amy's house.  So I asked them "well what about your party?"  Oh my.  They pretty much hopped out of bed and insisted on getting ready for daycare.  Now keep in mind that we don't leave the house until after 8:00.  And if they sleep in, I don't get them up until 7:45 because it doesn't take long to get them ready and out the door.  And here they are, just after 6:30, itching at the bit to get a move on as quickly as possible.  Ummmm, no.

When I picked them up, they told me all about sitting on Santa's lap.  And there was a little gift exchange.  I had to buy gifts for two of the other little girls at the daycare for the gift exchange so the girls received a couple gifts in return. 

Oh yeah, and they proudly told me that they said "Happy Birthday!" to Santa.  I explained to them on the way to daycare that they needed to tell Santa Merry Christmas.  But they were so excited to tell me that they told him Happy Birthday that I just couldn't burst their bubble!!

Sleeping update

I knew it was too good to be true!  The first week or so, I think the girls were in a honeymoon phase with their big girl beds.  They went to bed reasonably well and slept through the night.  The past week has been a slightly different story....

They still walk down the hallway to their rooms reasonably well and climb into their beds.  They excitedly say good-night, I love you, sweet dreams.  And from there, well, it pretty much goes downhill.  The second the door closes behind us we hear "sissy, do you wanna play?"  And within a few more seconds, they lock the door (yes, they feel the need to lock the door every.single.time) and the light goes on.  Then play time begins.

The other night, we put them to bed at 8:20pm and they didn't crash until 11:15pm!!  Nate and went in a few times (after unlocking the door with our screwdriver, of course) and put them back in bed, only for the fun to begin moments after leaving the room once again.  That night, they were playing their recorders (which they call flutes) and yelling "I'm a cowboy!!"  Annoying, but funny.  Very funny.

They were entertaining to say the least.  Nate and I finally gave up, because after all, at least they were staying put and not leaving their bedroom!  So anyway, it finally got quiet at about 11:15pm, so about 10 minutes later I went in (after unlocking the door again, of course) to cover both of them up.  Turns out they both had crashed in Livi's bed!  Aww, they were sleeping together for the first time since they were about 6 weeks old!  So sweet.

But yeah, big girls beds have been an adventure so far. 

Success!

The transition to big girl beds has been a success...knock on wood.  The first two nights they went to bed without a peep and slept straight through the night!  Tonight was a little bit more interesting, but still much better than I expected.  It sounded like they were at a sleepover, just chatting away.  I heard one of them end up locking the door, but I was still okay with that.  I could still hear what they were up to and have our screwdriver in case I really needed to get in.  However, once the monitor got turned off, it was time to intervene.

And sure enough, they were having a slumber party in Livi's bed.  All of Addi's stuffed animals and blankets were piled in there.  When I walked in, they were talking about bubbles.  Huh?  Who knows.  They're still kind of being little chatterboxes in there.  I might sense a rough day tomorrow.  It's a daycare day, so they can't take a nap whenever they want. 

Overall, the transition has been much better than anticipated.  I was expecting them to migrate out of the bedroom many, many times a night and for us to have to carry them back to bed.  But so far, they pretty much stay put in their rooms.  Like I said, tonight they've been little chatterboxes, but that could be due to the late nap they had because of company.  They might not be quite as tired as normal.  But on the whole, it's been a success.

First snowfall

The girls enjoyed the first snowfall of the year.  Unfortunately for them, the snow is now gone.  I definitely wouldn't mind if it didn't come back.  But for the girls sake, I hope we eventually get a few inches that stick around for a while.  As you'll see, they went sledding in our front yard!  There were only a couple problems...our front yard isn't terribly slanted and you can still see the grass beneath the snow!  We sure didn't get a lot of white stuff, but they had fun anyway.

I'm so in love

We welcomed a new member into our family!  On November 18th, a beautiful little baby was born.  My brother and sister-in-law had their first baby.  I'm now the proud auntie of a gorgeous baby girl.  Our sweet little niece took her time in getting here as she was two days overdue, but the little peanut only weighed 7#2oz.  We had the pleasure of getting to meet her when she was just 6 1/2 hours old! 

I will never forget receiving the phone call from my brother announcing that she was a SHE!  I was in disbelief!  Another little girl for my side of the family.  And I will never forget meeting her for the very first time.  She is amazingly beautiful and absolutely perfect.

I am so in love.

Out of the mouths of babes...

Conversation that happened a couple days ago:

Livi:  "Mama, I'm gonna talk to Baby Elli."
Me:  "Okay, honey"
(she picks up my cell phone)
Livi:  "Hello?? Baby Elli?? Are you there?"
(long pause, gently puts down the phone, dejected look on her face)
Livi:  "Baby Elli's not there" (hangs her head and slowly walks off)
Me thinking:  Child, you're breaking my heart

3 hours later...

Livi:  "Mama, I'm gonna talk to Baby Elli"
Me thinking: Here we go again
Me:  "Okay, honey"
(she picks up my cell phone)
Livi:  "Hello?? Baby Elli?? Are you there?"
(pause....)
Livi:  "Oh, you're in Heaven? With Jesus? Oh!"
(long pause....)
Livi:  "Well, I love you Baby Elli." (puts down the phone and prances off)
Me thinking:  Child, you're breaking my heart...again

Tough stuff

Today Elli would be 14 months old. Today also marks exactly 20 weeks, 140 days, since we said goodbye. I can't describe how it feels to go to bed each night and see Elli's blanket laying across my pillow, waiting for me. How it feels to tuck it under my chin and snuggle with it as I attempt to drift off to sleep. I can't describe the ache in my heart. The empty void. There are just no words to adequately describe any of it.

We're having our family pictures taken tomorrow. It seems so wrong. So, so, so wrong. My family is not complete. We're missing a huge part. I know I need to move forward with them, but I feel like I'm betraying Elli. I feel like I can't call them "family pictures"...because Elli won't be there.

I'm sorry the blog is not all sunshine and roses.  However, this is my reality...it's far from sunshine and roses.  I understand if people no longer want to read (family included), because not everything I say will be cheery.  There's so much sadness in my heart.  Tonight is one of those really rough nights.  I needed an outlet.  This was it.

The day has come

The girls climb out of their cribs.  We put them in big girl beds for one night back in January.  But when our non-sleeper migrated over to our sleeper's bed about six times in the middle of the night and then about five times during nap that next afternoon, we promptly put the cribs back together.  Hey, if they were sleeping reasonably well in their cribs before, why rock the boat, right?

Fast forward 10 months.  About a week ago they started climbing out just in the morning and at the end of nap time.  It was a nice little surprise in the morning to have my two little munchkins greet me at my bedside.  Nate and I contemplated breaking the cribs down into big girl beds again, however, they were only coming out once "sleepy time" was over.  But it happened...

They now climb out when they simply don't want to be in bed.  We put them to bed one hour and fifteen minutes ago.  And we've put them back in bed several times.  They seem kind of content right now.  I'm hoping it lasts for the rest of the night.  Now that they're climbing out whenever they want (as opposed to just when "sleepy time" is over), we'll probably be breaking the cribs down tomorrow.  There's no sense in keeping them in the cribs and risk them getting hurt getting out.  So big girl beds it will be.  Here's to several bedtime battles coming up!!!

Halloween 2011

What does a dragon say?  "Rawr!"

 

I think this is Addi.

And I think this is Livi.

Livi was running back and forth with all the pumpkins.

One of my dragons (Addi) peaking at her treats.

Love it.

Well behaved?!

We were out to eat with the girls the other night.  And randomly, some lady came up to our table, put her hand on my shoulder and said "you sure do have very well behaved children."  After thanking her for her nice compliment, she continued on to say how nice it was to go out to eat and see two young children behaving as well as ours did.  She told us that it made her day.  It was so refreshing to hear. 

I will admit, the girls were quite well behaved that night.  They ate well, they were reasonably quiet, and when they started getting a little ansty, they just climbed off their chairs and came to stand between Nate and me...they didn't run around the tables, jump on the chair, bang on the table with silverware, etc.  We were so proud of them.  And we sure let them know it!!

I forgot to share this, but the girls had their 3 year appointments a week ago.  No concerns for either one of them.  Addi is now 31# 6oz and Livi is 33# 5oz.  Now I don't think we have to go back until they are four years old!!

Birthday celebrations

Due to more reasons than I care to list, we didn't have just one big birthday party for the girls this year.  Instead, we had a few smaller celebrations.  One with just Nate, myself and the girls, one with Nate's family and one with my family.  Despite the lack of a huge celebration, the girls enjoyed celebrating their birthdays for over a week straight!

Just one of their three birthday cakes!

Getting ready to open presents.

They were giddy with excitement!

Opening one of their shared gifts.

Addi blowing out her candle.

And Livi blowing out hers (Addi's face cracks me up - don't spit on my cake!)

The end of the day.

I'm sorry

I don't write often anymore.  For someone who has never been short of words, it's an odd feeling to no longer know what to say.  At times, I feel like there are no words.  Just emptiness.  Blankness.  Then there are other days when I'm overflowing with thoughts running rampant through my head that I wouldn't even know where to begin. 

And because I'm not sure what direction I want to take with this blog, I've refrained from writing about the random thoughts.  The sadness.  The anger.  The disbelief.  Plus, I'm not sure who would want to hear it.  But in the same breath, I worry that if I just write about what the big girls are doing, people will think that I've moved on.  That it no longer hurts.  The truth is, I'm overwhelmed with pain and sadness for my sweet little girl.  Which is why it makes it so hard to write.

Yes, the girls do funny things.  They reach new milestones.  They amaze me with everything they know.  I want to write about it.  But the words just won't come.  By the time the girls go to bed (which is when I do most of my writing), my thoughts are consumed with Elli. 

So I apologize.  I need to figure out what I'm going to do with this blog.  I've toyed with the idea of just hanging it up.  But I want the girls' lives to be documented.  I read back to what I wrote just last year and it's amazing everything I've forgotten.  But I really do need to decide...if I keep it going, will it be dedicated to the girls?  Will it be a place to write about my grief?  Will it be a place to share more stories about Elli and the wonderful, beautiful 9 months and 13 days we had with her?  Will it or should it be all of the above?  Who knows.  I surely don't.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Darlings!

I cannot believe my babies are 3 years old already.  I'm sure every mother says that with each passing year.  But man, it seems like just yesterday when we brought them home from the hospital and they refused to sleep for almost 48 hours straight.  And when I say they refused to sleep, I pretty much mean that they cried bloody murder for that entire time.  I still remember Nate making a trip to Walmart at 2am thinking that maybe the babies were gassy and we needed to get some gas drops to help out their tummies.

But three years, wow.  It's been an amazing journey.  A wonderful, overwhelming, fantastic, stressful, funny journey.  Time can slow down just a little bit.  I would be okay with that.

Our peanuts at 1 day old

One year old.

Two years old.

And just recently at the park...

Homecoming

We went to the University's Homecoming Parade today.  And I'm happy to say that this is the first parade that the girls have enjoyed!!  They used to get a little freaked out once the bands would come through and our parade experience would end before it really ever got started.  But they loved every minute of the parade today.  They actually liked the bands, they laughed at the guys riding in little go-karts, they waved at the Homecoming King and Queen, and they jumped at the chance to hoard as much candy as possible!

It was a beautiful fall day today.  I'm actually not even sure you can call it fall.  We had to break out the short sleeves again because temps have been in the 80's for the past week.  Just last week we were wearing pants, long sleeves and coats.  Unbelievable.

Hooray!!

It was another fun day with the girls.  But that by no means that Elli wasn't on our minds.  As we were loading the girls in the car, I must've had a somber expression on my face or something because Nate asked me what was wrong.  I lost it.  We went to the Homecoming Parade last year and Elli was just a wee little 3 week old.  I remember everyone taking a peak at her, marveling at how tiny she was, how cute she was, how she slept the entire time.  I remember getting the comments "you sure have your hands full" when people realized that we had twins who were just a week shy of 2 years and a 3 week old baby.  Last year's Homecoming Parade was the only parade Elli had ever been to.  So yeah, it hit me hard.

On a slightly funnier note.  I was informed by Miss Adalyn today that I am not a girl.  I am, in fact, an elephant.  Sheesh.  I know I've gained a few pounds in the past couple of weeks.  But man!!  When I tried to convince her that I am a girl, she was insistent that I am not.  I'm an elephant.  Thanks for the ego boost sweetheart!!

Apples, yum!

We took the girls to the apple orchards for the first time.  They really enjoyed picking their own apples.  Apparently, apples taste better when you've hand-picked them yourself, because we haven't been able to get the girls to eat an apple in the past few months!  But all of a sudden, they're munching on their respective apples as we made our way through the orchards. 

Looking through some of the pictures that I took I just realized that from the back, the girls are really hard to tell apart at times!!  If it weren't for the different colored ponytails in their hair, there were a few pictures that I'm not sure I would've known who was who! 

Mall of America

We took a completely spur of the moment trip to the Mall of America today.  When we woke up, it looked like it was going to be a rather overcast, possibly rainy day.  So we loaded up the car and out the door we went.  The original plan was to take the girls to the aquarium so that they could see all the sharks, sea turtles, jellyfish and more.  But we never made it that far.  We got hung up in Nickelodeon Universe.  They had so much fun.  It was really great seeing their faces light up at the start of each ride.  They were even brave enough to go on the Log Chute with me which includes two big drops into the water below!!

Here are some pictures of just a few of the things that we did. 

Their first ride on a carousel.

Riding on Dora's ferris wheel.

My big girls went for a train ride all by themsleves!!

They met the Backyardigans.  Addi's hug with Pablo.

Livi's hug with Pablo.

Last but not least.  Weeeee!!!!!

A close-up of the expressions.  As much as it might not look it, they really did have fun!

Overall, it was a great day.  Like I said, seeing their little faces light up with pure enjoyment was something that I needed.  Nate did too.  For a few hours today, we felt almost like a "normal" family.  I did have a bit of a hard time when the girls went to meet the Backyardigans.  That was Elli's favorite cartoon.  She would become entranced in the bright colors and catchy music.  So that was tough.  But I couldn't deny the girls the chance to hug Pablo and Uniqua (yes, I know their names!!).

Anyway.  The girls thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  Even though we talked all about the sharks on our trip to the mall, they didn't ask a single time while we were there if we were going to see them.  But leave it to sneaky little toddlers, and the minute they realized we were getting loaded back up into the car..."what about the sharks?"  Stinkers.  Just like bedtime.  Not thirsty, not thirsty, not thirsty.  Lay them down..."I'm thirsty."  Too funny.