Today Elli would be 14 months old. Today also marks exactly 20 weeks, 140 days, since we said goodbye. I can't describe how it feels to go to bed each night and see Elli's blanket laying across my pillow, waiting for me. How it feels to tuck it under my chin and snuggle with it as I attempt to drift off to sleep. I can't describe the ache in my heart. The empty void. There are just no words to adequately describe any of it.
We're having our family pictures taken tomorrow. It seems so wrong. So, so, so wrong. My family is not complete. We're missing a huge part. I know I need to move forward with them, but I feel like I'm betraying Elli. I feel like I can't call them "family pictures"...because Elli won't be there.
I'm sorry the blog is not all sunshine and roses. However, this is my reality...it's far from sunshine and roses. I understand if people no longer want to read (family included), because not everything I say will be cheery. There's so much sadness in my heart. Tonight is one of those really rough nights. I needed an outlet. This was it.
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3 comments:
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
and even more hugs & prayers...
If anyone stops reading your blog because you're morning the loss of your daughter, they were never a friend or real family in the first place. This is YOUR blog about YOUR family. who said life is always rainbows and butterflies? Jess, you have a beautiful family &a beyond beautiful little angel looking over them ♥ I can not put in words how sorry I am that she was taken from you so soon; it's not fair. You should be able to vent WHENEVER you feel like it. Who's to tell you that's not okay? You're an inspiration to me and a lot of other moms who have lost their babies also I'm sure. You're doing great for your girls and it's okay to vent or be upset; what kind of mom wouldn't be? Just remember that your little girl is still there with you, and that you still have two more beautiful girls too. You lost your baby, it's up to NOBODY to tell you you're not allowed to vent about it or just get over it. I'll always come back to your blog, our girls are of similar ages and it's fun to see that I'm not alone in some of the crazy things they do (in and out of cribs and big girl beds, sleep deprivation, etc.). But I've also lost a baby too, and reading your story helps me feel like hey, I'm not alone.
I'm soosososooo sorry for your loss. I can't say that enough. ♥
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